Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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