Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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