I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
