haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize