$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
