Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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