He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
