this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
