first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
