the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
