I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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