life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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