Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize