so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
