Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
