We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
