If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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