her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
