she looked like the before picture.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
