Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
