I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
