She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
