Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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