If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
