i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
