i don't plan on having that self control this summer
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
