that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
