I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
