If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
