Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You may now shotgun with the bride
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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