The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
