I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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