Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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