Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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