he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
