i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
