I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
