you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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