im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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