Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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