I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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