You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
