So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
