well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
