Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
