Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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