The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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