the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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