My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
