I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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