maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
