When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
