Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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