I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize