When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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