i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
