i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
ttyl tear gas
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
