I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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