you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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