hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
