Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
