M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
