I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize