I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
