Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
