Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
