You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
