"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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