omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
