you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
