Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

We welcome drunken adversity.

(1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

With open legs.

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(765): View more from Indiana

I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force

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(512): View more from Texas

he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white

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(407): View more from Florida

Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.

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(619): View more from California

This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.

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(928): View more from Arizona

They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Urinating on unicorns

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