hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I believe in your delicious
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
