and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
