I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize