his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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